What happens at Hogwarts when Sakura's bored
by SaKuRa ThE mEsSeD uP kId
Summary: This is insane. Just a little something I did while I was bored.
1. Homework

Well, I'm bored and it sucks, so I decided to do a little writing.  
  
DiScLaImEr: I don't own Harry Potter, I don't own anything. And besides, I don't have any money, so you can't sue me. HAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Chapter 1: Homework  
  
Harry's doing his homework when all of the sudden Snape, Dumbledore and some guy appear.  
  
Snape: Potter!  
  
Dumbledore: Harry!  
  
Guy: ...huh?  
  
Harry: _confused_  
  
Dumbledore: How are you doing?  
  
Harry: Uh... Fine, professor...  
  
Snape: Fifty points from Gryffindor!  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Guy: Um... Where am I???  
  
Harry: Who is that guy???  
  
Dumbledore: I... don't... know... Who are you, guy?  
  
Guy: _was about to respond, but then Voldemort comes  
_  
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!!!  
  
Guy: Ah!!! _dies_  
  
Harry and Dumbledore: Voldemort!  
  
Snape: The Dark Lord!  
  
Voldemort: AHAHAHAHA!!! I shall kill all muggles!!! _disappears  
_  
Hermione: _also appears out of nowhere_ You can't apparate at Hogwarts!!!  
  
Harry: Why not?  
  
Hermione: It says so in Hogwarts, a History!  
  
Harry: Then how did all of you apparate here in the first place?  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Dumbledore: Well, I don't know... I was starving, so I tried to kill Fawkes and eat it when I suddenly appeared here...  
  
Hermione: And I was studying for the N.E.W.T.S., since they're only 2 years away...  
  
Snape: And I was looking at myself in the mirror, thinking of how smart and pretty I am...  
  
Everyone: _stares at Snape_ O.O  
  
Snape: What? It's true! _dresses in a tutu and starts to sing_ I'm so pretty, oh so pretty, I'm so pretty and witty...  
  
Dumbledore: _joins in_  
  
Harry and Hermione: _step away...  
_  
The End! (Of chapter 1)  
  
Readers: What? There's MORE!?!?!?  
  
Sakura: _laughs evilly_  
  
So... What do you think? I was bored, so this is probably bullsht. So sue me. Please review! ...or not. I don't give a damn, really. (And I'll keep writing, whether you like it or not.) 


	2. Monkey Child

I'm baaaaaaaaaack!!! Evil laugh BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Well, this is the second chapter, where my (innocent?) victim is Draco Malfoy. Draco fans be warned.  
  
Pointless DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.  
  
Chapter 2: Monkey Child  
  
Draco Malfoy was sitting at a sofa in the Slytherin common room and thinking about how goddamn rich and sexy he was, when all of the sudden, someone knocks the door.  
  
Draco:_thinking_ What the hell? There's no fcking door here! And why are the bastards knocking, anyway? It's the middle of the night! Don't they know the password?  
  
Draco:_opens door, revealing his mom and dad in scuba diving suits (yes, scuba diving suits. It's my fcking fic and I can do whatever I want.)  
_  
Draco: Filthy rich Mom! Filthy rich Dad! What are you doing in here? It's Saturday! You're always counting your money on Saturdays!  
  
Narcissa (Draco's mom, in case you don't know her by name): No, son, it's Sundays we do that! Saturday is Gloating-to-anyone-that-would-listen-how- filthy-rich-and-powerful-we-are day!  
  
Lucius (you must be an idiot not to remember who this is. Try reading the Chamber of Secrets, or the Prisoner of Azkaban, or the Globet of Fire, or the Order of the Phoenix): Oh, yes! Gloating-to-anyone-that-would-listen- how-filthy-rich-and-powerful-we-are day! One of the best days of the week!  
  
Narcissa: Not as good as muggle-and-mudblood-torturing Monday, dear!  
  
Lucius: Why, yes, you're right...  
  
Narcissa: _laugh_  
  
Lucius: _laugh  
_  
Random girl at background: _laugh  
_  
Draco: But... What are you doing here filthy rich mom and dad?  
  
Narcissa: Oh, son! We came here to tell you the truth!  
  
Lucius: The horrible, shocking truth!  
  
Draco: ....?  
  
Narcissa: About your birth, son.  
  
Lucius: You see, Draco, we're not your parents!  
  
Draco: What-? But...?  
  
Narcissa: You're adopted! Your real parents are monkeys, Draco.  
  
Draco: WHAT!?!?!?!?!  
  
Lucius: Monkeys, son. You see, Draco, we found you in a zoo, bought you for a knut, and raised you as our son!  
  
Draco: WHAT!? Wait a minute.... A KNUT?!?! WHY!?  
  
Narcissa: You see, Draco, dear, the monkeys didn't want you because of how bigheaded and arrogant you are!  
  
Lucius: Not even your parents loved you, so they were going to feed you to the squirrels.  
  
Draco: What? Squirrels...?  
  
Lucius: Yes, son, squirrels.  
  
Draco: But squirrels don't eat monkeys!  
  
Lucius: _darkly _Oh, they do, son, they do. Sometimes... they even eat.... _whisper_ socks....  
  
Narcissa: _covers her eyes in horror and cries_ NO! Not the socks!  
  
Lucius: _hugs wife to comfort her_ It's alright, dear... It won't happen again, now....  
  
Draco: But wait.... This is bullsht! I can't be a fcking monkey!  
  
Lucius: Oh, it's not bullsht, son! It makes perfect sense!  
  
Draco: HOW!?  
  
Lucius: Your tail, son...  
  
Draco: What tail!? I DON'T HAVE A FCKING TAIL!  
  
Lucius: Oh, yes you do, son. Look behind you...  
  
Draco: _looks back to see a monkey tail that was somehow unnoticed by everyone including himself for five books and three movies_  
  
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Draco fans: _faint_  
  
Author: ............... _eats sushi  
_  
Boy in background: It can't be!  
  
Draco: But wait! It's not that bad! At least I'm filthy rich!  
  
Lucius: Not anymore, son! We decided to sell you back to the zoo, so they can feed you to the squirrels, and we can get our knut back!  
  
Narcissa: We can't stand you either!  
  
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Lucius: Well, goodbye, son! We'll never see you again!  
  
Narcissa: Oh, and we brought Potter and his friends over for no good reason and they heard everything so you must feel even MORE humiliated!  
  
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......  
  
Harry and friends: _laugh_  
  
Draco: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....  
  
Music in background: It's Malfoy! Malfoy! The monkey kid that nobody likes!  
  
Draco: .....OOOOOOOOOO.....  
  
THE END! (Of chapter 2)  
  
Readers: _complain_  
  
Sakura: _laughs_  
  
Author's note: Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy didn't tell Draco this, but his parents aren't ordinary monkeys, they're_ muggle_ monkeys! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Well, hope you liked the story; I personally liked it better than the first one. At least this one made me laugh a bit. If you liked it, send a review!..Or not. If you absolutely hated it, send a flame! See how I care! Sakura, signing out. 


	3. Snape Dance

Hey, I'm back again. This time my victim's Snape. South Park fans will find this slightly amusing. Snape fans will find it disturbing and flame me. Justin Timberlake and/or Britney Spears will probably sue me.  
  
Disclaimer: I own this stuff. Not.  
  
Chapter 3: Snape Dance  
  
Snape (all alone in his office): .... _takes out a muggle radio that somehow works in Hogwarts then takes out a Britney Spears CD_ ..... _puts on a short pink dress, takes 2 apples and places them in the... um....breast area, and presses the play button_  
  
Radio: _starts music_  
  
Snape: _dances and sings  
_  
Some Gryffindor first year that was somehow around unnoticed and sees Snape: _faints  
_  
Yoda (far, FAR away): I feel a disturbance in the force....  
  
Snape: _dances and sings some more_  
  
Readers: Oh.... MY..... **GOD**!!!!!  
  
Author: ....... _listens to GC CD_  
  
Snape: _starts making out with a Justin Timberlake poster  
_  
THE END!  
  
Author's NoTe: The inspiration for this chapter was South Park's A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. episode, as many hard core South Park fans might have noticed.  
  
Author's note to Mr. Justin Timberlake and Miss Britney Spears: Please don't sue me! I don't have any money! Sue South Park, not me. That's where the money is.  
  
Author's note to South Park: Don't sue me! They made me do it! points at random kids in background

I'm not a Star Wars fan, so I have no idea if Yoda really says that, in fact, I'm not even sure his name really _is _Yoda. (Yoda, Yoga.... sound the same to me). But I do hear jokes about the force pretty often...

PS: There _is _a Yoda in Star Wars, right? I'm pretty sure there is one. If there isn't any, Star Wars fans, feel free to flame me. I'm a HP fan not a Star Wars fan, anyway...


	4. HaRry Gets PiSsEd OfF

Yo, guess who is back? Yep, it's me, your worst nightmare! HAHAHAHAHA! Well, not really, if you're reading this fic so far.  
  
STuPiD DiScLaImEr: I think it's pretty clear by now that I'm just a penniless punk. If I owned Harry Potter or anything else I wouldn't be writing this dumb fic to entertain myself in the first place. I would be at Borders, Suncoast, Hot Topic or EBay, spending my money on things I'm just too damn broke to buy.  
  
Chapter 4: Harry gets PiSsEd OfF  
  
Harry: _dancing_ Wait a minute... _stops dancing_ What the hell am I doing?  
  
Hermione: _writing a note confessing her love to Filch, Hogwarts' Janitor_ Why, dancing, Harry. Why do you ask?  
  
Harry: Cause this is bullsht, that's why! I wouldn't fcking dance while Voldemort's around!  
  
Ron (who was kissing a rock he found behind his bed): But, Harry... Voldemort's not a bad guy anymore... He quit being evil, married Wormtail and is currently working at McDonald's! Don't you remember, Harry? You're even the godfather of the baby cactus he adopted - Jerry! Don't you remember?  
  
Harry: What the fck??? Who writes this crap, anyway?  
  
Author (who was too busy writing that Draco Malfoy was a hard core Teletubbie fan): _looks up, surprised_ That would be me. Why do you ask?  
  
Harry: This is all bullsht! That's why! You're giving fanfics and Harry Potter books and merchandise a fcking bad name!!!  
  
Author: _laughs evilly_ So?  
  
Harry: You're SICK! Do you even like Harry Potter? 'Cause if you do! You're not showing it!  
  
Author: _defensivel_y 'Course I like Harry Potter, you bastard! What the hell made you think I don't?  
  
Harry: This... fanfic....  
  
Draco: _somehow comes in to the Gryffindor common room, looking desperate_ Potter! Help! I suddenly have the urge to watch a muggle kid's show named Teletubies 'til I die, have all the Teletubbie's merchandise, and am asking you for help!  
  
Harry: _Stares at Draco, who is now singing the Telletubie theme song with Seamus and Neville_ This fic is fcking crazy...  
  
Author: _evil laugh_ Thank you! Well, I'm bored, so better ditch this story quick and go get me some Pocky...  
  
Harry: NO! Wait! I'm not thru with you!  
  
Author: _with a dark, evil voice_ Oh, yes, Potter, I knew from book four you would be rather... difficult to persuade than the rest. However, I have already prepared for that... _takes out wand_ Super-Duper IMPERIO!  
  
Harry: _decides to go to the mall with Dumbledore, buy a cute skirt on sale and flirt with cute boys  
_  
Author: _evil laugh_  
  
THE END!  
  
AuThOr'S nOtE: I really, REALLY want some goddamn Pocky, and I don't have a wand (well, not a one that works, anyway, and that really sucks) 


End file.
